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April 1, 2016 Comments (0) Fauna

The Australian Drop Bear

The Australian Drop Bear (Phascolarctos carnivorous) is an apex predator now only found in Australia and despite governmental claims otherwise (to prevent mass hysteria) the Drop Bear is regarded to be far more dangerous than either the Great White Shark or Salt Water Crocodile. Externally the Drop Bear has the exact same appearance as the Koala Bear (Phascolarctos cinereus) which is their closest living relative. Upon closer inspection the Drop Bears will be seen to have razor sharp fangs and a digestive system adapted wholly to a meat diet.

The Drop Bear is regarded to be far more dangerous than either the Great White Shark or Salt Water Crocodile

Drop Bears hunt by climbing to the top of eucalyptus trees and waiting for an unwary passerby below. When their victim appears they will leap from their perch and use gravity to stun their victim which they then consume whole. Summer in the antipodes is one of the only safe times of the year when Drop Bears go into a unique form of hibernation due to the intense heat and boring re-runs on TV. During winter it is always advised to bring an umbrella to the Outback as this affords modest protection from free falling Drop Bears looking to pounce on their next meal.

A Drop Bear venture into the open searching for menthols and a lager.

A Drop Bear ventures into the open searching for menthols and a lager.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

During the mid 19th Century California had its own brush with the Drop Bear during the Gold Rush. The California Pacific Railroad looking for a fast growing source of wood for use as railroad ties imported a steam ship full of eucalyptus saplings from Australia. Unbeknownst at the time, the cargo also contained several dozen sleeping Drop Bears in the trees. As railroad workers began to disappear and all work ceased the Rail Road eventually had to hire big game hunters from Africa to track and attempt to stop the Drop Bear’s rampage. Finally it was discovered that Drop Bears could be lured into the open and be caught in a trap baited with a pack of menthol cigarettes and a can of lager. Eventually after many months of using this ingenious live trap technique, the bulk of the California Drop Bears were returned to Australia and disaster to both the railroad and the Western Unites States was narrowly averted.

 

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